The Nesting Challenge

Nesting mode has kicked into high gear this weekend, which is great because it feels like there is still so much to do before the baby gets here. But it seems like it was SO much easier the last time. I was by myself and worked at my pace - which was usually fast, unless I was slowed down by the ole' belly. But now I'm contending with external factors. Namely my husband and my daughter.

I can't just do the things that need doing because I need to look after my family. It's frustrating. I know this sort of seems silly, but it's driving me bananas.

I have a lot more energy in the mornings. But the time late afternoon rolls around I'm feeling the weight of the belly and everything that comes with being 9 months pregnant. And by dinner time I'm usually done. So today I wanted to get so much done, but it just didn't happen because Mike had his own stuff that needed doing, so I was on doodle duty. And by the time he tagged in, my productive window was really narrow,

I did manage to get the nursery in order, which makes me feel good. And the diaper bag and hospital bag are pretty much good to go. I wrote out the remaining to-do list on bright yellow paper and put it on the fridge. I'm hoping by the end of this week we'll be done.

That being said, baby had better not arrive before May 6th!!! That's when my dad arrives. He'll be caring for Lola while we're in the hospital having this new kid.

Lost-ish

I've been struggling lately with my inner self. I had these same sort of feelings before/after Lola was born. I'm a mom now. Does that define who I am? In the first year of her life I played the role of the long-distance wife and single working mom. I was eventually too busy to worry about who I was. And I was home. I had friends and family around. I had a social life, I had a work life, and I had a home life.

This time feels different. I am living in a new city, because this is where my husband's job dictates we need to live. I am stay-at-home mom because we could afford it, and because when we moved here I was already knocked up with baby number 2. My days revolve around my daughter and my husband's work schedule - to a point. I have managed to carve out a small, and hopefully expanding, niche for myself here. I joined committees, I volunteer, I've made some friends. But it's different.

Even just re-adjusting to living with Mike is proving to be more difficult than we thought. When it was just me, and then just me and Lola I had total control of the house. We're both still learning to adapt, and it's been almost 6 months. Even now as I'm typing this, we just had an exchange about money. Not a fight, just a conversation, but I'm so used to dealing with bill payments and everything that sometimes I need to bite my tongue when he wants to give his input. And we SHOULD be sharing that sort of responsibility, but because I've been taking care of the finances for so long it makes me batty.

And even though we've managed to make this new house a home, it's still a rental home, and so many things about this place drive me crazy! Especially now that my nesting has kicked in. I'm noticing every single flaw.

Once the new baby is born (in 33 days!!! ish) we'll have the summer together as a family which is great! He'll have a few weeks off, but then back to work June 4th because he'll need to start training for his deployment. Yep, he's off to Kabul for 8-9 months. We don't have all the details yet, but we should in the next month or so. It'll be me and the TWO kids, alone in this city, during the winter. I have a feeling I'll be spending an extended period of time in Ottawa - I hope my parents can handle us!

I'm not completely satisfied with my life right now. I love my husband, I love my daughter and I'm thrilled we have a son coming (SOON!). I've always wanted a family, and I have a flipping great one! I'm not unhappy, I'm not depressed, I don't have any regrets, but sometimes I feel like I have less of a say with how my life is unfolding. I did not expect to the military to have any part of my life, ever. And now it feels like it rules my life. I love being home with my kid(s), but I don't think it's something I want to do full-time. I want/need to go back to work or school. But I'm not sure for what. I know something is missing, I know I need more, but I can't pinpoint exactly what it is. And that simple fact makes me feel frustrated and anxious. It's feels like I'm whining, or complaining - but I don't have a solution to the problem.

All these feelings are amplified times a million because of a) my pregnancy ... HORMONES!!!!!! b) adding another human to the mix at home, c) Mike being deployed and d) the thought of readjusting ONCE AGAIN and being caught in the same place.

I guess I just needed to dump the thoughts out of my head and "on paper". Thank you dear blog!

Mmmmm

I've had an insane sweet tooth with this pregnancy. The kind where I have a bowl of ice cream every night. Some times 2 bowls ... and this is pure delicious and bad for you ice cream. And I have lots of sweets throughout the day too at times ... chocolate, donuts, etc etc etc

I'm 47 days away from having this baby, and I ran out of my last tub of ice cream, so I've decided to be a bit smarter with my cravings in hopes to not balloon and have trouble losing the extra pounds. I bought some greek style yogurt with honey already mixed in, then added some kiwis and strawberries. OH EM GEE. It was heaven. And it took will power to not eat the whole tub of yogurt in one sitting ha ha 

Excuses

In an effort to not go crazy being a stay-at-home mom, I've joined 2 volunteer committees at the Family Centre on base. Monday mornings I help decorate the centre, which is NOT my thing, but it's with a group of French ladies and they are all very nice. I like that I can practice my French, and it's been lots of fun getting to know them. Thursday mornings I am the secretary for the Anglo committee. I am the most Anglo person on the committee which I find hilarious. Again, a great group of women, and they organize and execute activities for the English community on base. It's a new committee, so it's fun to be able to promote it and contribute.

Those 2 mornings Lola is in daycare, and its free since I'm volunteering. They really have a great set up here. I get to be baby-free twice a week, and Lola loves being with the other kids. It's win-win all around.

The Anglo committee is trying to recruit new members since one girl is leaving, one girl just got a job and then we are 2 pregos on board - the other girl is just about ready to pop so she's been MIA for weeks now. Our Vice-President told us a few weeks ago that she had a potential new member. She had talked to this woman's husband and he was saying how his wife was English and wanted to get out and do more stuff, but she was too shy to come out to the Family Centre on her own. Our VP got her phone number and called her to invite her to join the committee. She sounded enthusiastic, but was unable to attend the upcoming meeting. She asked the VP to call her the following week to remind her and she'd come then.

This went on for a few weeks, but there was always a reason why the new girl couldn't come. Randomly I found out it was my neighbour! I volunteered to call her. When I invited her to this week's meeting she couldn't make it because of the time (it was a wonky time this week because we're gearing up for a big Easter event happening in 2 weekends). Then she suggested she wait until April to not jump in during the prep for the Easter event....

She's not joining this committee. I've been there. I'm sure it sounded like a great idea, but then she realized it just wasn't for her, or she really was just too shy. But instead of just saying "thanks, but no thanks" she just keeps coming up with excuses.

I'm so happy I didn't take that approach here. I'm glad I sucked it up and put on my big girl pants. I've been here 5 months and I am coming into my own now. I'm comfortable, I'm expanding my social circle and most importantly I'm not relying on Mike for my outside fun. I have independent events and friends. And that helps living so far from family and core friends back home.

Mommy Rage

Every time I sit down and start blogging, "someone" interrupts me. That someone is my 1.5 year old. Sure I could blog when she naps, only a) she doesn't nap every day ... I know .... le sigh .... and b) when she actually IS napping I tend to get housework done.

Hey Michelle, why not blog after the baby is in bed? you might ask. Great idea! Only my bedtime is very soon after she goes down. You know, because I'm 8 months pregnant ... can you believe I'm scheduled to have this new kid in less than 50 days? Bananas.

But here I am on this grey and rainy morning - determined to blog. When I look out my window I can see pavement and some grass, but it's mostly snow. This is what my front yard looked like on Sunday.

And all I've been reading about on Facebook is how great the weather is back home. NO snow, and flowers are blooming, people are walking around in shorts. The temp is nice here, I think it went up to 24 degrees yesterday, but it was surreal walking around in capris among mounds and mounds of snow.

We started taking family walks after dinner since the weather has been getting nicer, and there are actual sidewalks or roads to walk on, or push the stroller on. Yesterday we decided to let Lola walk with us. She's sturdy on her feet and since we weren't actually going anywhere we could take our time and dawdle.

I was on one side of her and Mike was on the other side. We let her walk in puddles and just explore the street. She was having a ball. Squeals and giggles. It's quiet with virtually no traffic. There was maybe one car that passed us, and we walked her over to the side until it passed.

We had turned around and were heading home when this little boy (maybe 6 years old) comes zooming by on his bike. He makes a bee line for MY kid. I was standing behind Mike and the bike race towards Lola, and the next thing I saw was Lola lying on the road crying. Mike blocked my view of the actual impact. In that moment I sprinted (the 2 feet) to Lola, pushing Mike out of the way and I honestly didn't know if I was going to pick up my crying daughter or grab this brat off his bike and throw him into the snow. I was seething.

But I picked up my baby and did a once over. Dirty hands, but no scrapes, and no blood anywhere. She did have a nasty blue bump above her left eye already, but otherwise seemed ok. I turned to the kid and told him (in french) to pay attention and be more careful. He said ok and pedalled away. I'm not sure what he thought I was going to do or say, but he looked scared. And then relieved.

I held it together for the baby, and by the time we got home she had calmed down. We gave her some tylenol and put ice on the bump. She was fine last night and today she has the beginning of a black eye. The kid must've hit her with his knee or a handle bar or something.

I'm sure the prego hormones contributed to my overwhelming anger yesterday, but it was the first time she had been hurt in front of me. And I know that wasn't the last time, I know kids get hurt, but knowing that doesn't make things easier on poor old mom lemme tell ya!

Home for the Holidays

We've been in Ottawa for a week now. We spent xmas eve with my parents and the xmas day with his. It was great spending the holidays with loved ones, but I'm very exited for xmas 2013 when we will be spending it together as a family of 4 (!!!) at "home". All this travel and gypsy style living is getting to me. I am le pooped. Next year Mike is going to be in Kabul over the holidays, so I'll be coming back here - probably for a month - with the 2 little ones.

That paragraph was a great opener for 2 other blog posts! Visiting (and staying with) family over the holidays, and having my hubby overseas next year. But this post is about my insane allergic reaction to my in-laws' cat.

I've been allergic to cats for a while now. Then I got 2 cats (i know ... say wha???). But that seemed to help with the allergies. As long as I didn't rub the kitties on my face it was ok. When I was pregnant with Lola my allergies got worse. Just being around the cats made me sneezy, and I'd get puffy itchy eyes if I touched them, then touched my face. But it was livable. I visited homes with cats, including my in-laws, with little to no reaction.

Cue Christmas day. The 3 of us have been dealing with a cold, so my nose has been stuffy. I figured that's what I was experiencing all day. But by the time I was ready for bed my right eye has puffed up a bit and I realized it was the cat. No biggie. 

I woke up on Boxing day and my eye was red. Ew. But just that veiny red you get when you're overtired or hungover. It was itchy and puffy all morning. So I finally gave in and had mike Google up reactine to see if it was prego-safe. Seemed ok, so I popped one. It didn't make anything better, but nothing got worse at least. That was until I went to bed, and woke up an hour later with a belly ache. I was sick (ew, I know) and my eye was throbbing after that. So much pressure. I checked myself in the mirror and was scared. Both eyes were swollen and now they were blood red. I looked like a vampire on the verge of tears. I went and got Mike. He took one look at my face and made me get dressed and off to the hospital we went. This was at 10:30. Luckily it was quiet so we were in and out within an hour. BUT the doctor we saw was a quack. He didn't examine me, just looked at me and said: yep, allergies. I'll prescribed you these eye drops, take benedryl and reactine with them and you'll be fine. I asked if they were pregnancy safe (since I had just told the triage nurse, and the assessing nurse that I was almost 21 weeks). OHHHHH NOOOOOO they're not. I wish I would've know you were pregnant. Um .... it's ON THE CHART ... TWICE. So then he leaves to call Shoppers Drug Mart (we know this because he was paged that they were on the line for him), and comes back in saying no, those drops were NOT safe. Take visine instead.

We arrive at the drug store to buy some benedryl and the visine drops. I ask the pharmacist to look it up and make sure I can take both. Turns out Visine is dangerous too. Mother F .... So we get the benedryl and go back to my in-laws.

The next day the swelling has gone down but the eyes seem MORE red. We decide to leave a day earlier because being in the house with the cat was no good for me, and we also heard of a snow storm coming in that night. We were packing up our things getting ready to hit the road when I looked at myself in the mirror again. My eyes were now bruised due to the swelling, and still blood red. I got scared. I just didn't trust what the doctor said. So Mike and I left Lola with his parents and went back to the hospital. Only this time it was BUSY. We were there from 10:30-4. But it was worth it. We had a very competent doctor who actually touched my face and examined my eyes. Then checked me out in the eye machine. Was concerned with my plate count because I was pregnant (yeah, he knew, he read the chart), and had blood work done to be safe. The plate count was fine and he prescribed me 2 kinds of drops: both prego-safe.

Since it was already 4pm we decided to leave the next day. But of course I couldn't stay at my in-laws. So I slept at my parents' last night, and Mike and the baby stayed put. Extra visiting time for them, and a nice relaxing night for me.

My eyes look worse today because of the bruising. I look a) beat up, or b) like I went scuba diving too deep. Sooo pretty :P UGH

These pics are from last night, but they don't really show how bad it actually looks. 

Back to Basics

This blog started as a place for me to babble on about my feelings. When Mike first left for training I was a basket case a lot of the time, and I never wanted to be the "downer" friend. I leaned on my friends as much as I thought I could without falling in that category, and then would turn to the blog to whine or complain. It was great.

Then I sort of got used to Mike being away, which was great for being able to cope, but really, I don't think you should ever get used to your husband being gone. Regardless, my rants turned to other things. And then I was prego, so that took up a lot of blog space. And recently I feel like its become a daily (um, more like weekly, or monthly ...) journal. I felt pressure to write and update on "life" in general. And that pressure made me procrastinate, and the longer it took for blog posts the harder it became to actually write.

So here I am with a good ole whine! wooooo

I'm having a hard time with this pregnancy. I was spoiled with Lola. It was a great pregnancy, and as far as births go, it was pretty easy. I'm 18 weeks now and already I'm hurting. My lower back kills. It's my tailbone, and the only relief I have is sitting. That is not something that happens very often around here. My hormones are also out of control. I find myself getting upset over nothing ALL the time. It's great fun for my husband. Not so much. And I'm having major self-image issues. I look in the mirror and I do not enjoy what is looking back at me. And its worse when I see pictures of myself. I see every single teeny tiny flaw and then stress about it all. I didn't have these issues the last time.

I'm not usually a negative nancy, but I find myself having to work through the craziness that is whirling around in my brain. Not fun.

I have a hair appointment back home over the holidays, I'm hoping that'll help boost the way I feel on the outside. The air is a lot dryer up here, and I feel like my hair is all stringy and dead. A nice cut will make me feel better. And that same day is the sex reveal ultrasound! I'm very much looking forward to that. My dad is going to watch Lola, and Mike and I are having a lunch date before the appointment.

I just want to state that I'm not in a "bad place" or anything. Living here is actually way better than I thought it would be. It's fantastic living with Mike and Lola. I've met a bunch of people. And being a stay-at-home-mom hasn't driven me crazy yet. But, at times, I get a bit down is all. And having this blog as a place to express myself helps.

Bay-bee

Lola's slowly been adding words to her vocabulary. TADA. Uh-Oh. are the latest. What? Those are still words!

But the very newest is "Baby". But she says it sing song and split in two: Bay-bee. Very cute.

This morning she was playing with some dvd cases. (side note: I fought this at the old house since the dvds were out on a shelf and she had full access. I refused to be picking up after toys AND dvds. But at the new place they are all put away in drawers ... except for the ones we borrowed from my parents ... and those are out now so I don't forget them when we go home for xmas. I know that's not for over a week, but I know I'll forgot them otherwise. All that to say that we have a few dvds out and Lola has been playing with the cases.) She had "I Am Sam" out and kept pointing to Michelle Pfeifer saying: Mama. Then she would point to Sean Penn and say: Dada. So I flipped it over and pointed to Dakota Fanning and said: Baby. And she repeated it. Then I lifted my shirt and pointed to my belly and said: Baby. She pointed to my belly and said: bay-bee.

Here's the cute part (for me anyways!).

I said: Can Lola kiss the baby?

It was going to be a smooch to Dakota Fanning, or my tummy.

Kisses to my belly.

I love my kid. 

Thirty One

Yep. I'm old. Ok, not really but it feesl like I am. Yesterday was my birthday, and it was a very quiet day. A good day, but a quiet day. I was always big on birthdays. I would plan months in advance, and usually get a good crowd out for a usually great night. It was an event.

Then I turned 30. Sooooo overated. I had just had a baby, so my emotions were running wild ... but there was such a low turn out I was really upset at the time. My rational self knew it was circumstance. Most of my close friends were prego to the max at the time, and then there were a few random things like illness and other stuff. But my crazy self cried. I look back now and realize it was a pretty good night. We had a yummy dinner, and then a handful of us went to a dive and had a few pitchers. And my hubby surprised me with a hotel room. It was nice to be away from the house, because right after the baby was born that's where we spent most of our time.

Yesterday wasn't even that eventful. Mike worked all day, so Lola and I ran some errands, and then had a McDonald's lunch.

My fave part of this pic is the retro bib.

Mike was done work early, so he was home just after 2:30 which was a nice surprise. He handed me two cards, one from Lola (that she "signed"), and one from him. Very sweet. And they were both in french! Perfect.

And in the card from Mike was a gift certificate to a spa.
I looked at him and said: Why did you do this?
He said: Would you just read the message??
It read: Happy Birthday. I love you. Don't argue, you deserve this.
I freaking love my husband.

I'll be going to get a prenatal massage over the xmas holidays. Mike's leave is Dec 18 - Jan 9. We'll be going home for about a week so there will be time for me to get away. http://lenordique.com/index_en.html 

I'll be going home this weekend for a doctor's appointment, and while I'm home I'll be visiting lots of friends, and Saturday night a few gals are getting together for a bit of a birthday outing. Very exciting. Dinner plus comedy club, but I'm getting gussied up. I live in jeans and sweat pants, so I am very much looking forward to that.

But, I have to say that THE best birthday surprise was feeling the baby kick for the first time. Not Lola, the other one.

We Have Arrived

Seriously? October 12th was my last post? Wowzers .... OK, a very quick, brief catch up ...



The move went smoothly. The only thing we can't find is our dvd player. But the PMQ is very nice, tons of space and we're all very happy here. We've settled into the house quite nicely. And after we get some housework done this afternoon I'll take some pics to post. Here and on Facebook .... I owe some people some pics!

Living on the base is interesting ... it's like a big neighbourhood, and has the necessities in walking distance, and the rest of the stuff (restaurants, better & big groceries stores, etc etc) are all within a 10-20 minute drive. Either in the small adjoining towns, or in Quebec City proper. I can get to the main shopping areas, hospital and provincial employment office now without printed directions. Not that I'm actually looking for a job. But I applied for employment insurance and I'm still waiting on a decision ... and as a result I was summoned to a job-search-help meeting. It was long and boring and I have idea why I'm telling you about it.


I've met a really nice group of women since we've arrived. They are all english speaking, or bilingual, so it's nice to not have to speak french ALL the time. Most are moms with kids slightly older than Lola, so we've been on play dates and attend a weekly playgroup. It's nice to let the rug rats run around and sit back to chill with other moms.

We've sorted out most of our provincial change overs, but still have a few outstanding things. It's hard not having access to an office to print and fax stuff. But Mike does so he helps, and I can always go to the family centre on base to do it too.

Here's a "lowlight" - a few weeks ago I had to go back home for a doctor's appointment and coming back here I hit a flippin' raccoon with the car. I was fine but the car was not. Only I had no idea until the next day. It damaged the radiator and cracked the front bumper. Grrreeeaaaaat. We went through our insurance and luckily it didn't affect our rates, and we were given a rental while the car was fixed. Still super annoying.


And, ending this long overdue post is a highlight! I'm prego. That is why I won't be looking for a new job. Hopefully EI kicks in soon, then early next year Mike gets a promotion, and when he's overseas in November, we get some extra cash. So I'm looking at being a full-time stay at home mom for the next few years. Bananas. I'll be getting my second ultrasound before xmas so we'll know the sex then. The due date is May 11, 2012.


More frequent posts from now on, from your lackadaisical blog friend!!